Puzzle

I am not fat nor skinny
I dont think I am better than you
My work says it all
I am no one lover nor anyones fighter
I dont think I am brighter than you Even though I think I am a cool person to be around
I know the world is round but, sometimes I cant be found on earth
My garth doesnt represent how much of a man I am but, I know short ppl can pack a punch
I am the quietest out of all the bunch but, can soon open up when I feel is ok
I am always wishing that some of my wounds would heal from my past so I can move on with life
Knowing that I do exist for a reason
I am willing to take a risk to find out what I'm here for.
Just because I may not talk, I always listen
With words I give to you I hope it makes smile and glisten
I thought all of the gear I had with me
Would block the fear that runs through my mind
The struggles, the troubles, and even the rumbles that go forth
I may not mumble a word for not knowing if its even worth it
With all this being said I can be bit too much handle
Because candle that is shape like my heart melts from the continous burns that runs down the string there's nothing left but, leftover wax.
I use whats left of it, warm it, shape it, and mold it into something new
With the new piece I have i can now add it to the space that was empty for a long time
Hoping that no one would see the missing parts that help me to relieve the pain I occur
What I am I trying to say?
As I lay here I want you to know that am not perfect, I've made mistakes, and have I am trying to do a retake of the failed scenes within my life
I hope that some could understand where I am coming from.
Everyday is not the same
I cant place the blame on anyone
but, knowing all of this I am here to reclaim everything I am striving for because all this makes up

ME.

JCLGO presents the 10th Annual JC PRIDE Festival

I went on down to Exchange place in my hometown and city I still reside in of Jersey City. Check out the Pics for the 10th Annual JC Pride! Hopefully You will be in these bundle of pics next year!

Happiness Vs Closure (a Sad ending)

My heart is very heavy,with so many thoughts going through my head. I want things to change, if only speak I upon the feelings that could bring me healing. I don't know why I say things that makes me happy for only a moment. One of my feelings right now has to be spoken before its too late to reciprocate. I gave a lot of directions as I thought were right. Thinking that maybe since I had time to myself I could give you a different route to follow your way back to me. Yet, I was wrong again. I am sorry I have lead you into the wrong direction, thinking that it was the right path I wanted you to go. Maybe I need to find my way my out on my own. Maybe this is the end, maybe what I needed all along was closure because you are just bringing me back to where I don't need to be. Trying to piece something back together didn't work out, well at least for me. There's no trying to help me find my way back to you because right now, I need to get my map, turn it the right way, and follow my own path by myself. Yes, it will get hard and lonely but, I will be where I want and got to be someday. I will always think of you when I see the smiley face you placed on the map when we first met. Maybe we will cross paths again and you will find the special someone for you. Until then wipe away your tears, grab your gear, put away your fears, and follow your dreams back to where it was once gleamed.

Book signing- Hikeema Raeford

Check out here call intitled: Miss Plan B
She is even on facebook so become a fan Hikeema Raeford

Lavin

One of my models Lavin.

Whats on my mind? The kind of work I do.

My name is Timothy Daniels I am also known as Timmell Dontrell. I was born, raised and currently located in Jersey City, New Jersey. I am 23 years old, third born out of 6. I am a Full time employee at Jersey City Medical where I am an outreach worker in he field of HIV/AIDS. I help reengage clients to get back into medical care and help keep them into care with vigorous ways of outreach. Making phone calls, doing home visits, and etc are ways of what making clients feel as though they are important, which they are. This job is what you make it. I am very fortunate to be working n this field because it’s a learning process. I have learned so much from just interacting with co-workers, clients, and HIV/AIDS itself. I didn’t think of coming in to this field, my field of choice was to go in the field of criminal justice. Everything has its purpose in life and this was one of them. For many who do know me from the community know that I am HIV+ and have
been January 18, 2007, a few weeks shy of my 20th birthday. This was one of the ways entered this field. I am very much open with it, healthy at this point, and will continue to keep it that way. No, I didn’t come out and tell everyone my status when I found out, due to being looked at much more differently (for being gay and now positive). It took time and once again a process. I told a family member about my status and she went and told my whole family… The only people in my life that knew at the time were my mother, male best friend (Justice), and God sister (Timeka). When I received a call from my uncle who I had been living with since 17 do to circumstances caused by me, he asked me if it was true. I had been living with him for a year without him knowing anything. He felt bad because for one he gave me the option to talk to him about anything, he now knows his nephew is HIV+, and now have to worry if I am going to be alright. Sometimes I do
the fear the worse while living with HIV. The only way I would really get sick is if I don’t take care of myself, as I should. Working in this field you could see a lot of good and bad things go on. It’s up to you to learn from it. I use my short beginning life, mistakes, and accomplishments to help those see a brighter future. Talking to young adults and adults lets just say various ages. Some were at the point of giving up due to being tired physically, mentally, and emotionally sometimes can be hard to penetrate their feelings to continue on living a healthy lifestyle while living with HIV or AIDS. They see me just a person who works with at the hospital when I first walk in, sometimes you get those who don’t want to here anything, but, when you open up about yourself it totally different. I treat you the same way I want to be treated. For them to see a young person who is concerned about people who are in the same boat as he is in helps them
to open up to me. Some ask me “How did you contract this at such an early age (19)? You are only a baby” Telling my story reels them in into believing and knowing that they can overcome the obstacles they have faced. You are Never to young or old to experience hardship. I may not of had the virus for over 5 years or more but, I went through something’s to get where I am at today. I am still going through it. You are not alone. This was a very and still is a very large hump to get over but, I am managing and so can others. Being one of the many young faces of HIV has brought me many closer to learning on how to protect them from the virus and how to take care of them if they’re infected. Many may wonder if I could back in time would I do things differently and relive the moment before contracting the virus. Of course I would do things differently to protect others and myself from contracting the virus. Now if I had to choose living positive or
negative that would be hard question to answer. I say this because living HIV-, being young, cute, and being in or out love can make you do some things you would regret and ultimately cause you have unnecessary problems to occur. Also I don’t think I would have been so receptive in learning about the virus and what it could lead too, plus I would of still been out there doing me. Being positive was a wake up call; literally you were forced to grow up and take care of business by going to all medical appts (appointments) and being stuck with needles because your medical provider needs to know where you stand in your health. Taking medication for the rest of life is a constant reminder of what you have. It doesn’t automatically say you have to be on meds but, when you do, you will realize that it’s not a joke. You can still be in a relationship but, you have to protect your partner and yourself. Because when you do have unprotected sex, you can
potentially infect your partner and also give him or her a strand of the virus where it hard to keep the virus from growing with certain meds. Instead of taking one pill a day you may whine up taking more than 3 or more a day also dealing with the side affects. Just being real, there are times I don’t want to take my one pill each and every night. It more than this but, this what people have to go through on a daily basis. Don’t get me wrong you don’t have to be out having sex with multiple sex partners in order to have a long-term neighbor living inside you. It can take only one time and you are hit. Just have to mindful of your actions, because I know I am. You choose. Do you want to live being HIV positive or negative? Your call, Your life, Your Future, and Your choice.
Timothy "Timmell Dontrell" Daniels

A Dream While Awake By Timothy Timmell Dontrell Daniels

A Dream While Awake

As I prepared myself for my nightly shower, I plugged in my IPod into my radio, turned the light off, and lit up my blueberry scented candle

Turned on the hot water with my hand under the running hot water and waited until I found the right spot I can handle

As I undressed the bathroom filled up with steam, I knew this was going to be good

I eased my right foot in the shower first, testing to see if the water was just right

I knew I might have jumped out, if it was too hot

I thought not to myself and continued on my way in

Grabbed my washcloth and put it under the running water as I did that

I began slowly moving my body up under the hot soothing water

I opened the bottle of the cleansing, smell good body wash, and poured it into hands

As my back faced the waterfall coming from above with my eyes closed I began to feel the strong warm hands on shoulders

That had a lot of boulders bearing upon me. Rubbing each finger and thumb up and down my back

Leaving this lingering feeling that almost made me numb, that’s how good it felt

All my cares, all my worries, and stress were put to the side as I enjoyed this ride.

It felt as if there was a man with muscular arms wrapped around me, holding me back from the fears that played over and over and again.

Rumble…CHI GA BOOM!

I felt the arms around me tighten, as shook from the noise outside the window

I felt a sense calm, knowing that everything was going to be alright.

As the storm outside my shower curtain came rubble and then BOOM!

My eyes opened quickly to see what it was the disturbed me and peaceful shower

As I attempted to pull back the curtain I felt the warm pressure on shoulder letting me know “don’t worry, stay here”

It was just the cat climbing up on the closed seat of the toilet

I eased back and closed my eyes

Washing each and every particle of my body and especially where the sun don’t shine

This felt so right, unreal, I couldn’t believe that someone could actually care about me deeply

The water turned from hot to warm, I didn’t feel the hands of the warm calming hands on my back as when I first got in anymore

I got worried I felt each and every pressure go as the water turn warm to a little cool

Rinsing of the suds that helped moisturized my dry skin, the warm muscular relaxing man left as the water turned cold

My eyes opened slowly

Sad to believe something that felt so real went spiraling down the drain was coming to a reality

Rumble…CHI GA BOOM!

I just kept on looking at the drain; while the water dripping down my face right along tears fell and went spiraling down with the man I once thought was with me.

Turned on the light, blew out the candle and turned off the iPod that had the storm like sounds coming from it and looked in the mirror and realize it was only a dream.